Home » Articles » My Predictions for 2010
Submitted by Greg 996
Wednesday, 6th January 2010
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Great news guys!! My crystal balls have cleared and I have a new list of predictions for 2010, now I know my last year’s ones were well out…..and so were the years before… but if these ones don’t come true I will once again blame it on the beer and deny any knowledge of any list what so ever. So here we go, look deep into my crystal balls again……..

1/ brad Wykes in an act of compete brilliance will mate his CRF450 and his CR500 into one bike! It will have the power of 3 atomic blasts and will be like riding an unguided missile; he will also start a small farm of hamsters and become addicted to the smell of freshly brushed potatoes.

2/ Dave Mac will be New Zealand’s answer to Susan Boyle, with his voice being as subtle as a sledge hammer through a pain of glass he will win fans worldwide only to lose it all when it is found that he once asked an air stewed if she would like to see his impression of an elephant using the aid of his pants and what’s inside them.

3/Arron Lennon to trade in his CRF for a motorized toilet, he will enter the battle of the New Zealand superbike series on in and come a close 2nd behind Andy stoat gobbler who also had the same idea but won due to having emptied his one out first before racing it.

4/Ian Stranding will become sponsored by Mr. Wippy, the benefits of this will be worth the bitter cold of sitting in the cooler to get to the races as there’s no room up front, he will also become the spokesman for foot hygiene and go around the world showing off his prize little piggy’s.

6/Shane Angus to throw in his Building job to pursue his life long dream of becoming a stripper, he will rename himself “Hammer time” and will have a devoted following of Woman who throw their under wear at him, this will get very annoying for him when he’s doing his groceries or at the dentist. He will end up giving it away to after almost suffocating in a very large set of them.

7/Tim hood is going to become the next Hugh Hefner, but instead of having playboy bunnies around him he will have real bunnies, this will disappoint Tim as he had high plans for said Bunnies but will greatly please miss “in da hood” as she has seen basic Instinct 3 times and knows how to get rid of the furry little bastards.

8/Neil Stranding to take up the lost art of arm pit noises, for to long they have been ignored but this will change when he is invited on cambell live only to get stage fright and make the same noises without the use of his hand or arm pit, he will be also become the new face of “people against squeaky doors” and will get the noble prize in 2016 for his efforts.

9/Steve Degroot will get a job offer from penthouse magazine, they have seen the photos he has done for the club and impressed with his work will fly him all around the world to photo woman. Sadly he turns it down with something about the dog box and a frying pan wrapped around his head by the other half.

10/Kev Oliver to be the first man to listen to the complete back catalogue of Rolf Harries with out falling into a coma or wishing his head would fall off, with his knowledge of welding he will also mate a GSXR1100 motor into a mobility scooter and put all the top drag boys to shame with times in the low 7’s (that time includes stopping at the diary for a loaf of bread)

11/ Scott Lester to strike it rich when doing his favorite pastime bus surfing, Tony hawk will spot him and offer him millions to come along to his huck bam jam Stan bang tour to thrill all the kids, this will go well until he fails to notice a low sign, has a head injury, and ends up thinking he is Merlin the happy pig.

12/Kelly Ellis will attempt to row his Kayak from one side of the bath tub to the other; he will strike heavy seas and must port at the soap holder, his efforts will be undone when he is passed by the rubber ducky only to have the said ducky disappear under strange circumstances, Carol (our lap scoring lady) will become the next in line for the throne.

13/Greg Edmonds to get a factory ride on the monster pro Circuit team, he will give tips to Ryan Villapoto and Tim Ferry, Mitch Payton will call him the next best thing to a suckless vacuum cleaner but will be fired when Mitch catches him doing burn outs in his Wheel chair.

14/Dean McCormick will get together a large group of ferrets and refer to them as his evil army, he will demand to control a small part of Dargarville or he will release them to disappear up ever trouser leg this side of the Bombay’s, nobody listens to him and is found some time later stuffed in the glove box of Sam Cummings truck with a copy of fat n fruity stuck to his pants.

15/Brian Steele to sell his bike and take up Cattle rustling, he has always had a thing for the great outdoors and wearing leopard leotards, he will rename himself Eric the teenager and will scare the children at petting zoos. This will end only when he is cornered and goes out in a blaze of glory using water pistols instead of real guns as he is frightened by loud noises.

16/Rob Bayer to get a factory ride on a PW50, all will go well until it is discovered that he has shoe horned his CR500 motor into those tiny wee bikes and will have to hide behind the portaloos when the mums find out that he was pulling the heads off the teddy bears of the kids who were beating him.

17/Shane Macdonald to throw caution to the wind and take the lead role in the musical “Never eat anything that’s bigger than your head” he will astound London’s west end and be seen to be bigger than that other bloke, the Queen of England, Elton John.

18/Dave Yardley will be the first man to have a computer that is powered by a 2 stroke motor (an ag100), he will boast of this but will deny it fouls a plug when trying to get onto certain websites; he will also start to indulge in his passion for heavy metal and audition with the band Disturbed playing the electric triangle.

19/Natsha Cairns to become the first lady to win the New Zealand enduro champs, she will get even more respect when it is found out that she did it on a 1985 Honda Z50, Chris Birch wont be happy and will take up knitting to hide his pain.

20/Big D to still turn up on road legal DRZ400s take off the number plate and turn signals, race it in a wet river head forest, do well on it, (in the top 10) then turn around, bolt the bits back on again and ride it home, legend or complete loon? The first I think.

Well, who would believe what the year has in store for the boys and until next time I have to do a few things, “hey Ryan, try keeping your corner speed up, and Tim, stop doing all that flashy crap over the jumps, I got a idea, you grab Mitch’s wheel chair and I will go and get some diesel, lets light it up……….”

See you at the races #996

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